Coping with Uncertainty
I sit here, 4 days past my due date, I realise I am bathing in uncertainty. I have no idea when I will go into labour or what sort of labour I will have… whilst this is such an exciting time and I feel so very grateful to be in this position, I have observed the element of uncertainty provoke twinges of impatience and anxiety in me.
I have done everything to prepare for a calm and peaceful home birth in a birthing pool. I truly believe that this is what will happen, I have visualised over and over again meeting my baby in the living room… yet I have packed a hospital bag and kept my expectations to a minimum to avoid disappointment.
It is no doubt a challenge to maintain a balanced mindset - excited, calm and yet knowing the intensity of the experience of giving birth, I feel I have to conserve energy and be ready to access ‘The Zone’ - a trance-like state where I step aside and allow the nature of my body to take over. I spent 4 hours of my first labour in ‘The Zone’ in bath in a Premier Inn hotel, about 500 metres away from UCLH - where they had turned us away for not being dilated enough - but more of that another time.
Friends and family (and husband) text ‘Any news?’. It feels as though I have been pregnant forever - even to them.
Nope, no news. I have done all the baking, batch cooking, folding, cleaning, watching soppy movies… bouncing on the ball…
To surrender to the unknown…
Perhaps these last fews days (maybe hours?) should be spent honouring the gift of being able to carry this life inside me. When I am 60 and post-menopausal, perhaps I will think back to this time and cherish the memory of my body being young (ish) and fertile. Perhaps surrender and presence is the answer. Letting go of what we cannot control.
Yesterday I listened to Gabor Mate speak on the ‘Happy Place’ podcast with Fearne Cotton (link below) - he spoke about stress and it’s detrimental effect on the body. One of the main causes of stress in humans is uncertainty.
Our primitive mind/limbic system does not like change or uncertainty. If we are stressed our primitive mind will most likely be in charge… scanning the future for any signs that something will go wrong, predicting the worst possible outcome and catastrophizing, thus creating anxiety in the present moment. Knowing this, when faced with uncertainty we must to everything possible to stay in our intellectual minds where we are able to think rationally, logically and stay in control.
Ways to stay in our intellectual mind include ‘The 3Ps’ - Positive Thought, Positive Action & Positive Interaction. By sticking within these guidelines of behaviour we can increase our serotonin and sense of well-being. In the face of uncertainty when there is a chance things may go down an undesirable path - When given the choice - would we rather feel more anxious or calm? Anxiety clouds our judgement and increases our stress levels by releasing too many of the wrong chemicals, which would you choose?
Here are some ways to help cope with uncertainty & stay in your intellectual mind.
~ Do not dwell on what you cannot control. Focus your attention onto a positive action where you CAN control the outcome.
~ Self-care - exercise, move, ground yourself, be present in your body. BREATHE.
~ Avoid triggers that might provoke ‘FOMO’. Social media for example
~ Manage expectations. Stay calm & rational
~ Stay positive.
~ Practice meditation or self-hypnosis
At all stages of life there will be episodes of uncertainty. Of that we can be certain :)